starting fresh....

So here I am...back again. Blogging has been on my mind so much the last 8 months to a year. Laziness is the reason I haven't. But its like God constantly brings it back to me and finally at 12 am on a night I cant sleep, I am sitting here searching for other blogs by Christian homeschool moms for advice, lessons, encouragement or basically anything to help me and the idea for me to start again creeps into my mind again. For about 30 minutes I sat here just avoiding it. Finally, I am just like okay whatever lets do this! I know without a doubt blogging, or what I think more of as journaling and just getting all my thoughts out there....helps me SO much. I remember that vividly about my past blogging. The accountability, encouragement, and blessings I received from blogging was great, and for 2 years I have questioned why I even stopped. I debated on keeping all my post from the past but I just want to start fresh. Who doesn't like starting fresh? I am sitting here thinking should I just write whatever I am thinking and it turn into a book or just keep it short for right now. I don't plan to even share this with my social media friends just yet. I just want to get started and see how it feels and all. For now I will just give a run down as short as possible of my life at this point. We are about to start our second year of homeschool. Our first year of homeschool was without a doubt a rollercoaster ride of emotions. We had our highs and we had our lows. We started our first year off great and then its just like Satan all out attacked from every angle possible. All of my struggles and weaknesses hit me at once. I gained 50 lbs within 4 months and that just was terrible. I battled depression. There were so many days I felt alone in my journey of homeschooling yet I knew in my heart I was doing what God called me to do so there was no turning back. We had a great moments and huge blessings too! Seth finally after 4 years of trying to find a job as a process operator was finally hired on with a great company!! Our marriage and relationship just seems to be getting better and better with each day. He has been my biggest support and I am so thankful for how much he loves me. Our marriage isn't perfect and we have our struggles in different areas  but our marriage is solid, and I can only thank God for that. There are days we both screw up royally but its so great knowing I can move past it bc of forgiveness and grace. That forgiveness and grace that I don't deserve at all, but its freely given to me. I was recently diagnosed with PCOS, insulin resistance, and endometrial hyperplasia which are all related to each other and the reasoning behind infertility, weight gain, depression, feeling like I am dying once a month when that stupid lady visits me haha(big thanks to Eve for that;-)) lets just be honest...sometimes being a woman just absolutely without a doubt sucks!!!!!!!!!! Sorry there is just no nicer way to say it. All of that is basically the main thing I have been dealing with lately...without making this any longer I am basically trying to lose weight(which is so very hard) to naturally cure the PCOS and insulin resistance. If I don't lose weight or even if I do and my symptoms progress I will eventually be forced to have a full hysterectomy and God knows how badly I don't want that. So prayers for that would be greatly appreciated. I so want another baby, but if I am being honest my heart yearns for a little Seth Jr! I know that God has it all under control, and yes there are days that I want to control it and I want what I want when I want it...but I HAVE to trust Him. Even when it feels impossible. So here I am going into my second year of homeschooling dealing with that, BUT this year will be totally different. God put some wonderful people in our life through Seth's job that led us to a homeschool co-op type group. We will meet and school once a week together and then 4 days at home. All the kids will be learning the same thing so we will have the support and fellowship with others all year long. On those days where I want and DO just cry bc I am tired, worn, or so irritated I will have other moms to share in those feelings and help lift me up and lift each other up. But even more than needing community on those hard days, I am so excited that we will have each other on the great days. Those days when you see that after days or weeks of teaching something...your child "gets it". Rejoicing with eachother that we are getting to spend each and everyday not only educating our children but doing life with them!!! So many people think homeschooling is easy. Think we lay around all day and just throw school in when we aren't busy playing. haha ummm no, its the hardest job I have ever done. I get criticized for homeschooling and though I may act strong, those comments stink and can be so discouraging! But I know in my heart I have to trust God. I have to trust that if he called me to do this....He will not only be there with me every step of the way but he will bless me for my obedience and even more my children will be blessed.  And also, I cant wait for the day people see my thriving, bold, strong, smart, loving, Jesus loving children and I can say...."and you said I couldn't do it" ;-) I figure blogging will be good for me emotionally but also I know I will so enjoy sharing my life and my precious children. For now I think I am done. I pray I continue this because I enjoy it so much. I pray that God uses me to help positively impact someone. I pray for boldness. I pray for the courage to be REAL and GENUINE, even when its deep dark and ugly. Even when I know people will read it and gossip or read it and roll their eyes. I just want to be me. The warm mess of a Jesus loving girl that I am....going through this journey called life.

"Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing."                             1 Thessalonians 5:11







Here is a little glimpse of my beautiful yet crazy life!