Here we are another Monday...another MONDAY that I am saying that I am going to start eating right and working out. For 6 years I have battled my weight. Up until this past April its just been a weight battle, yet now bc of it "just" being a weight issue I now have health issues. But you know...even before the health issues were there...the spiritual issues were there. I know I have many friends who totally disagree with me on this subject and I get it. God may not speak to them about this issue the way he deals with me about. It may not even be the same thing for other men and women as it is for me. How can your weight and God even go together some say. For me, they go hand in hand big time. Food is my drug. My alcohol. My comforter. My celebration. My sadness. I am an emotional eater and I tend to run to food for everything when I need to turn to God. Therefore, making God and food...a big issue in my own life. I hear people say God doesn't care about your outward appearance and I feel that statement is true to a certain extent. I don't think God cares about the clothes or style we wear. I don't think he cares about necessarily being "overweight" or in shape. But when I stop and ask myself what typically involves me getting to the point of being overweight...over-eating goes with lack of self-control, which we are called to have(Proverbs 25:28, Galations 5:22-23, 2 Peter 1:5-7, 1 Corinthians 9:27, 2 Timothy 1:7). He tells me to come to HIM when I am anxious, weary, or afraid, yet I run to food(Psalm 5:1-3, Phillipians 4:6-7, Proverbs 3:5-6, Pslam 9:9, Psalm 62:8, Isaiah 26:4, Psalm 46:1). He tells me to take care of my body, 1 Corinthians 6:19-20. That simple. How is eating unhealthy to the point I am overweight and my energy level is zip zap nothing taking care of my body? It isn't AT ALL if I am going to be REALLY honest with myself. When I eat unhealthy, it not only affects me outwardly but I have less energy and I am WAY more emotional and hormonal. If I don't have energy like I do when I am eating healthy and working out how I am supposed to not only take care of my husband, kids, our house, but how am I supposed to help build His Kingdom here on earth when I am always tired and worn. FOR ME...being overweight-not exercising-eating unhealthy....distances me from God. I have conviction bc of how much I turn to food instead of running to God. Its a battle. Its MY battle and I am not even embarrassed to talk about it bc EVERYONE has their own battle they are fighting so I hope the skinny healthy fit person next to me isn't judging me or laughing at me bc they don't struggle with it. Everyone has their secrets and their struggles whether they talk about them or not. I could let my health issues be an excuse but I don't want that. Heck yes I want to wear a size 6 jean again but that isn't what my MAIN goal is. I would be lying if I said it isn't a goal. So here we are on yet another Monday. I am starting a fitness online competition thingy today with some friends of my sisters in Washington. Sure, I want to win it haha but really its just for the accountability. I am starting crossfit today and shooting for 6 days a weeks. I would LOVE to start running again but I need to try to be realistic with my time. We are going back vegan starting TODAY. Speaking of, Seth and I agreed on this yet last night he came home with an INSANE bag of candy for the kids. He totally missed the whole point of us going back vegan haha. ON TOP of the WEIGHT issues....I have health issues bc of my weight issues and also the dumb genetics factor. The only chance I have to save my baby making parts is by LOSING WEIGHT. I don't want to be on a diabetic medicine forever. I don't want to battle with depression. I definitely don't want the "spare tire" that PCOS causes women to have. PCOS causes all of that and I know that losing weight is my ONLY chance of getting rid of the PCOS and not being insulin resistant anymore. I don't want to end up having to have a full hysterectomy knowing I could of tried to prevent it by losing weight yet I didn't. I don't want to make excuses anymore! SO hopefully by me writing about this new(for the 10th time) journey it will help me. I know I will have bad days. I know I will probably have days where my kids are driving me insane and I am crying and shove 6 oreos(which are vegan) in my mouth at once, but I know I need Jesus in this journey. Bc I straight up suck on my own. He is the key to me losing weight bc food is my weakness. I know some people don't even care what I write but I enjoy it and by the end I am like aahhhh I needed that! So here we go...to this new Monday journey. I would post my starting weight but I ain't THAT comfortable...YET lol HAPPY MONDAY
Praying everyone has a blessed week!!!
Much love,
Ash
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